“If I don’t laugh, I’ll cry.”
“One-shot. Decafe. 1/2 Sugar. Oat Milk.”
“ I think they just call that a disgrace.”
“We’re all guilty of over telling stuff.”
“Pointing the camera at the product just isn’t cutting it anymore, and that’s a good thing for everyone.”
“Old enough to know, but young enough to be a complete dickhead.”
“You don’t look for a car space in Kiev. You make one.”
— VARIOUS
— PROVENCE, COTE D’AZUR & CHAMONIX
— KIEV
— GRAND CANYON
— KELOWNA
— VARIOUS ENGLAND
Denim Vests!
The Human Fund said my cheque for the year has been received - what can I say ... I was feeling extra generous after a couple strong nights on the pole. 2018, like every year, has been off the chain. But, in proper Festivus tradition, I still have a couple of grievances to air.
Here they are in no particular order:
Heating. Why do department stores, offices and just about any other place in London need to have the heat that high? Will a bit of cold or the fresh air kill you? Set the temperature to 18 Celsius and if you can’t hack it put a jumper on. Nuff said.
As a purveyor of media and the owner of a modern handheld device I respect the desire to watch videos, Skype your cousin in Bhutan, fight with your ex on FaceTime, listen to a Mexican metal goth band's latest single ... but for everyone’s sake make sure you have headphones on NO MATTER WHERE YOU ARE (this was literally happening when I typed this).
Roundabouts in Australia. If it has two lanes, the outer lane has to exit on either the first or second exit … it’s a given. If there isn’t a first exit directly on your left, then you can proceed straight ahead safely. It’s the rules ... so there’s no need for road rage. A bi-partisan individual witness this and confirmed my grievance on two occasions.
People. Well that pretty much covers anything I missed.
Anyway, the bagel shelves might empty, but my devotion to Festivus is stronger than ever … and like most beliefs, I managed to convince some peeps to help me create the above masterpiece.
Big ups to Matthew Meadows for the Illustrations and Grace Cross for the ‘I have a serious cold why are you bothering me’ Voicing. Love yous dearly, and I will be sure to go easy on the feats of strengths.
I’ve probably said more than I should so ... Happy Festivus and all that other hoo-ha (if that's your thing) and as always, catch each of you on the flip side.
Jonas
P.S. Find my beliefs odd? Clearly, you're new to the ever-growing list. Visit 2015 or 2016 or 2017 to see how much fun you’ve missed out on.
— KIEV
— Wales, Brighton & London
“I reckon I’ll stop when the music stops tonight.”